No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
