I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
