and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
