he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
