he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
