I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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