i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
