9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
