I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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