i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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