Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
