Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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