i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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