Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
