One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
