its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
