you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
