I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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