its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
