god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
