Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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