I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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