How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
