No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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