Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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