Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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