1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
