Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said her name was "party"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
