Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
