WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
