my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
