yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
