i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
