this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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