I faked an abortion last night.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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