ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize