you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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