i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
