I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
