Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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