So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize