I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
