i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
