xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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