Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
