I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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