Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
