You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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