friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
