so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
