dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
