still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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