So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize