He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
