All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
