it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
