saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
