Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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