Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
