I wish my penis had an off switch
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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