I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
