He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
