Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
