I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
