for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
