We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
