The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
