apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
