I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
