If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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