tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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