This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
