I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
