I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
