Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
