Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
